His name Neil Henry, I know him since 2011 I forgot exactly in what month, maybe about April, first time I know him on conversationexchange.com. I asked my friend Agus about the website can learn language then he tell me this site, so..I registered to the site and there I found many people who want to learn Bahasa Indonesia and for that they teach English. then I send email to some of them and just wait for the result, first day past without any reply email from them, next day I got some email and said they want to teach me English, I reply it all, by the times, only one person who still keep in touch with me, his name Neil (41 years on 2011) from England. He send me email everyday and I think it’s good for me to practice my writing and English language. We become friend and talked each other story. He told me, he just broken off from his girlfriend, and its surprise me because his girlfriend from Indonesia, then as a good friend I just can advice him and to be patient. If that girl is good for him then God will let them meet again, this is what I was tell to him.
At the second month of we know each other, I felt he like me, I can saw from his email, he always say nice thing about me and he call me with nice word, but sometimes he refuse it and he said it’s impossible for him to love me, there was a lot a reason like he is a white Christian and I am a Muslim, also we life so far away so it’s impossible for close relationship. I myself also said the same thing, it’s impossible for me to love him because we are different, I am a Muslim and he is a Christian but we are still friend and email each other every day and laugh, joke and said nice thing.
I don’t know when it was, we love each other and start this relationship, we become so close and he become my boyfriend, I can’t image how it happened but suddenly we love each other. But when we become a couple we had a lot of fight. a lot of reason for that, the main problem was jealous, I am so jealous for his ex girlfriend because sometimes he called me that name, and for me it was so hurt then we start argued and fight, we ever broken off for some day but because he said sorry for all of that then I forgive him, but it won’t take long, we fight again for the same reason, ex girlfriend (I just realize it now, he was so drunk that time, thank God he stop now because he almost die because of alcohol) his ex girl really make me insecure and want me to fight with him all day, we chat everyday and sometimes he phoned me. one day I asked him for Skype but he said he don’t have Skype connection, but I not trust him, I don’t know why that time he not want me to see his face. July 2012 that was the first time I saw him on Skype, I ever ask him about what he said before about he have no Skype and his reason was he fell shy himself because he was so drunk that time. What……………… ????? He is an alcoholic, then he tell me other thing, he is an alcoholic, and he ever said he have double degree and now he said the thrust. I just silent at that time, god, he lied to me but why?????? I try to talk to myself and to accept this about my boyfriend, I told him to stop alcohol and he promise me to stop, we less arguing since we seen each other on Skype, my thought, he love me each day and try to forgot his ex girlfriend and I can accept this, I know it’s not easy to forget someone we love, we need time, but as his girlfriend of course I am so jealous but I pray god to help me, my boyfriend always said I am bad temper and like to angry all the time, “ don’t u understand that I am so jealous”
He always promise me to came meet me and marry but he always broke that promise, this also make us argued and again he said I am bad temper and he shout at me and swear. He said he really one to meet me then I tried to work at factory to have money for travel, in the factory he have some Muslim friend and he said he interest to learn about Islam, then his friend suggest him to go to mosque in Banbury and meet imam so he can learn about Islam and convert if he want, I not force him to convert to Muslim and I know he want convert because of me but I hope by the time he will learn more and more about Islam, then he came to the mosque and meet Imam and convert to Islam, December 2012 he text me and said” Alhamdulillah honey I am a Muslim now and I felt like I have a new life” Alhamdulillah because he is interest about Islam, and I was so happy Alhamdulillah.
He got scholarship with Celta for teaching English, but I don’t know what was his reason he not take the course, sounding like family problem but I not sure and I thing he start alcohol again because I can see when we talk on Skype he like drink alcohol also when he talked on phone he was so different, oh God I think he start alcohol again on 2013 earlier, I don’t know what was his reason because he not tell me, I hate him that time and we start argued again but now because of alcohol not ex girl. he keep promise me every day to stop alcohol but again he get drunk and he drink in front of me on Skype, I got so angry and said broken off , he phone me to say sorry but I won’t care that, I just want broken off then he promise again to stop and I forgive him, one day at the end of June I saw something different with his eyes, so yellow I am so worried but he still drink, and I said to him if he still drink tomorrow it mean our relationship will end and he promise to stop it, but next day I saw he still drink and I got so really angry and delete his face book and relationship end.
After this argued I never hear from him, yes of course I am angry to him and want broken off but when I not hear from him I got worry, I tried to phone him but he not pick my phone, emailed him but he not reply, I am so worried if something bad happen to him, after 3 weeks not hear from him, I asked his sister but his sister said we don’t have hear from him, he is okay because if something bad happened, as a family we will know that, but I am not satisfied with this then I remember he ever forward me email from his imam, I tried to find Zahid email, after I have it then I send email to Zahid and tell him about not hear from Neil for 3 weeks and I am worried if something bad happen and I hope you can see him, Zahid said yes and he will see him tomorrow.
Next day, I got email from Zahid and he said Neil is in hospital because he got problem with his liver, what………!!!! oh I felt so bad because last we talked and I broke this relationship, what should I do??? then I email his sister and said that Neil is in hospital because he got liver problem. His sister so worried about this news then she plan to visit him in hospital.
I was so sad because my boyfriend is in hospital, I don’t know what to do, if I have a lot of money I will fly there, his sister beg to me to came to England, everybody thought he will not have long life and his sister want me to come and visit him because it’s what he hope. Zahid help me so much, he come twice a week to hospital to see Neil and support him, and in that way I can communicate with Neil because Zahid always phone me when he is in hospital.
I asked everyone to pray for Neil, and Zahid also suggested me to ask imam here in my place to pray for Neil, my little brother is a saint man for me, I really respect him because he consent to learn Islam then I asked my little brother to pray for Neil and he did.
Life is like a miracle for the one who trust GOD and I believe GOD listen all our prayer, after being in hospital for months (July – December 2013) then Neil back home and now he just have some medicine for his health. Me, always pray for him all the time, no more argue for now, I am still bad temper sometimes but Neil always wise and never angry to me.
I love him more then he know and my wish is to see him this June, I don’t care what is he look like, I just want his happiness because he deserve to be happy. He booked ticket already at June 10, 2014, we both so excited to meet each other because we love each other so much. We always talked every day, sometimes I not text him and he always tried to annoying me and laugh when I got angry (not real angry just act J ) how can I angry to my love??? he text me all the times like this “text me, text abang, tell Zahid to phone me” I always said to him “ why don’t you phone him, why I should text him?” then he said “I don’t have his number” again I gave him Zahid number but in the same day he text me again to text Zahid (if I know this is a sign he will leave me, of course I will text zahid L ). One day before, he text me said he felt little bit ill, then I said to him to take rest and talk to God, he did and he start packing. Next day, I went to Aceh Jaya, usually he will text me all the time but those day I don’t got any text for him and in the afternoon I got text from his sister and said Neil pass away, my heart stop working, it’s that true??? I can’t believe this we will meet in 6 days. I can’t stop crying because God change this feeling so fast from happy to sad, very sad because I lost someone I really loveL.
Honey, our dream to meet is not happened but I am happy when I remember how you was so happy to meet me, you are my rock and you always mine, thank for this love because it make me strong, there is a lot of word to tell about you.
Honey I do miss you so much but what I can do, everyone will dead just wait the time for that.
( 4 june 2014)
